


Never Forget, Even While You're Forgetting

by curiositykilled



Series: Being Frostiron in an Avengers World [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brothers, Gen, Memories, Memory Alteration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-25 23:31:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiositykilled/pseuds/curiositykilled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened after Tony told Loki that Thor recognized her</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Forget, Even While You're Forgetting

                It wasn’t something Loki would readily admit to anyone (even herself, with whom she’d always – _once_ – been honest), but there was a sort of dull, therapeutic pain to Thor’s altered memory. Somehow, the Thunderer had learned some of his not-brother’s tricks at acting, but Loki could still watch and see him start to turn to his right only to remember that the brother who woul have laughed at the jest or grinned in anticipation of a prank was dead –  

(Perhaps he had not been as much a shadow as he had long felt)

                 – Thor  always covered, but afterwards, his thousand-watt smile would be a little dimmer and his thunder-laughter a little more subdued.

                Then, Tony had told her that Thor recognized her, or at least remembered this form. She’d bristled first, because Tony was piecing it together – which, while exactly what she’d planned, made her uneasy ( _nervous_ was never a word applied to the Trickster) – and because she hadn’t expected Thor to remember her shapeshifting abilities with anything other than disgust. She’d promised to talk to him, which was idiotic, because if Thor was bent on remembering, then her spell would slough off like dead skin and she should just run in the opposite direction. It wouldn’t be the first time she’ had to uproot her life because of Thor.

                Nevertheless, here she was, leaning against the balcony rail and passing him a tumbler of mead (oh, how their roles had switched, to have Thor brooding on a dark night, haunted by memories). They were both silent for a time until the words spilled out, low and hurt and longing.

                “I should have listened to him. He always was the wiser of us - ”

                “I never really meant that he wasn’t my brother - ”

                “He risked everything to teach me a lesson. If Father had only - ”

                “I was so tired of being in his shadow, but - ”

                “I was never there when he needed - ”

                “I don’t know when I started believing my own lies - ”

                “He had to have been so scared. Jotunns always - ”

                “If he’d not been exiled - ”

                “He never really believed it, but we love him. It doesn’t matter what - ”

                “He always cared too much, believed in me too strongly - ”

                “ – he is my _brother_. If I had only believed in him more - ”

                “I never told him how much it hurt. He didn’t mean to - ”

                “How could I have _said_ that? ‘Know your place’ – ?”

                “Forget Father, if I could just talk to Mother or _him_ , I would - ”

                “Asgard is empty without him - ”

                “Nothing is going according to plan - ”

                “I miss him. By the Norns - ”

                “ – so attached and _sentimental -_ ”

                “If I could – I just… I want him to be happy.”

                Heavy, hollow silence stilled their tongues at that – both pregnant and empty. Loki let a sigh slip out, her gaze falling to the glass she shifted in her hands.

                “He is,” she promised softly.

                Thor nodded after a pause. For as dull and unobservant as his brother had often called him, he’d always known Loki’s forms.

                “How did you get the memory spell to bind?” he asked.

                Loki smiled a faintly bittersweet smirk. Thor was perhaps the only being she’d met who was actively _despised_ by seidr. When they were young, Loki’d spent a week trying to get any spell to stick to his brother. It wasn’t until they were much older that he finally succeeded, but even then, the simple spell he’d used had left him ashen and shaky with exertion.

                “Mjolnir let me redirect some of her will,” she explained, “and you wanted to forget.”

                A brief look of raw surprise flashed across Thor’s face before he nodded again with a tight frown.

                “And after this?” he queried.

                He knew his brother well enough to know that Loki would never leave an extra variable in his plans, no matter how predictable he always said Thor was.

                “It would be far easier to start anew elsewhere than force a spell on you,” Loki admitted.

                “Do you intend to harm Midgard or Asgard? Or any of the persons within?” Thor checked, knowing full well that he wouldn’t know if Loki lied.

                “No,” Loki chuckled softly – and _by the Nine, he’d missed that laughter more than perhaps anything_ – “I am perfectly content to be Stark’s lover and let all the Nine forget my name.”

                A hollow ache thudded low in Thor’s gut at this admission. Long years ago, shortly after Loki’s coming-of-age, the young god had confessed how desperately he ached for Helheim’s mistress to never know his name; Thor had been utterly baffled until his mother took him to the side and cautiously explained Ragnarok. Now, he knew all too well that Hela was the only being that could see Loki even when Heimdall was blind. Death found everyone, eventually.

                “Very well,” he sighed, “I would ask to be left this memory, but…”

                His chuckle was tired and low, and for one of the few times in her very long life, Loki felt a pang of what might have been remorse. Then she pushed and Mjolnir’s song, steady and smooth as hers was ragged and erratic, rose up to carefully, artfully block off all those unhelpful memories.

                Gone was Loki’s role with the Chitauri.

                Gone was Thrym’s inglorious wedding.

                Gone was Odin’s explanation of Loki’s heritage.

                Gone was tonight.

                And when only a shadow of himself lingered in Thor’s memory, Loki gripped his brother’s neck and pressed their foreheads close.

                “Never forget that I have always loved you,” he murmured fiercely.

                Then, that was gone, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I've read a lot of fics that have Thor always recognizing Loki's forms and also some that mention his anti-affinity for magic, so I just decided to step that up. Regarding Thor's want to forget, I don't think it's because he doesn't really love Loki anymore but rather the opposite; he wants Loki to be happy, and Loki won't be happy if Thor remembers, because Thor will always treat him/her differently.
> 
> Also, yes, Thor always thinks/speaks of Loki in the masculine. It is intentional. As are basically all gender pronouns in these fics (although, admittedly, they get freaking confusing sometimes)


End file.
